So it’s been six months since our first child Hugo was born. I’d like to offer you some observations on the experience…
1. It’s like having a little dictator, who won’t compromise on anything. Worse; he won’t even tell you why he’s dictating.
2. A baby held in a particular position standing up is fine. Perfectly happy. You sit down – with him in exactly the same position – and he cries. WHY?
3. Bedtime is at 7PM every day. Get-up time (as dictated by baby) is at 6AM. It’s like having a tiny pensioner. He can even ride the bus for free.
4. Babies have a sixth sense that triggers when you think about putting them down. Even the mere thought is enough to activate tears. HOW DO THEY KNOW?
5. Whatever was funny yesterday IS NOT funny today. Smiles or chuckles can not be requested on demand.
6. Bath time is an excuse to remove all of the water from the bath and onto the floor.
7. Taking your baby to John Lewis on a weekday morning is like attaching a beacon to your body, which attracts the attention of cooing old women. Which is great – if that’s your thing.
8. The more annoying the toy, the more enjoyable it is to the baby.
9. The packaging of all toys is always more fun to play with than the toy itself.
10. Sometimes you will be permitted to sleep… but more often not. New or expecting parents are referred to observation No.1.
11. From your baby’s perspective, the primary reason to sit in a pram or sling is to chew it. See exhibit A:
12. Food must be eaten at 0mph, or 100mph, with only a nominal amount entering the mouth.
13. Sleeping ON you is always preferable to sleeping in a cot, bed, or Moses basket. Why wouldn’t it be? It isn’t like you have anything else to do…
14. When presented to strangers all of the above seem untrue.
Why share all this? Partly for a chuckle, but also to point out that you know and see more than you think.
Remember the seventh rule of Story Selling: people are both more like you, and less like you, than you can possibly imagine.
Commenting on the things happening around you at the interpersonal level is always a way to find common ground with your audience.